Sex can be pretty annoying, because people tend to talk before, during, and after that. Just as much as some good old dirty talking can come in handy, it can become a severe disaster if one doesn’t know what to say.
A long long time ago, there was a princess who was cursed into a never-ending sleep. She slept through days and slept through the day. She slept through summers and winters and autumn and the best ages of her life. Until one day the prince came over and released her from her curse and she woke up to fall in love with the prince. Love at first sight and it all made sense. Then the prince made love to her and said so many annoying things she voluntarily went back to sleep.
In a world that is split between making sex a taboo and the most natural thing in the world, just how many issues can we cover? After the social placement of it, and the safety measures of it and just about everything we’ve heard about at least once, let us just get to the basics!
Some of the most awkward, offensive, annoying, and enraging things are said during sex! Someone ruining the irony bells for me, please. And just like any classic annoyed person, we would want to go on and on in listed details about-
So here are 7 most annoying thing said during sex!
1- Have you done this before?
I didn’t know I needed to send my sex-specific resume beforehand! What even is with this question?
Here is why this question backfires- you have a girl in your arms ready to lose herself in your eyes, you kiss her and ask her this question and now- SHE IS THINKING ABOUT ALL THE OTHER MEN!!!!!!
Besides, what does this discussion contribute to? The amount of times women (maybe men too) get asked this annoying obnoxious question. The only right answer is- “I didn’t know this was an audition. I’ll pass”. You having sex with someone is not your license to ask an intriguing question about a person’s sex life.
2- Tell me how this feels?
Well, for once, good communication is a key part of good sex. But please, for the love of God do not expect a live commentary of your performance. We don’t know what purpose this question serves, but it’s not like there can ever be an honest answer to this. Imagine asking a girl “tell me how this feels.” And says to you “well, you can work on the pace a little bit. But otherwise it’s a 7 on ten”.
When a woman says it feels good, please take her word for it. And maybe if you stop asking this question for the 16th time in three minutes, you can focus on some old fashioned reading her body. Like Shakira said- HIPS DON’T LIE.
3- What do you want to do today?
Please don’t sound like my gym trainer. There is a big difference between good communication and need guidelines for every move. Surprise me a little, will you? A little spontaneity can massively cut down from just how much you make sex look like a chore. From watching men sweep their desks off in a passion, don’t step on all our expectations with “what do you want to do today?” be human, chad.
4- Was it better than last time?
NO! NO! NO!
Don’t get there. Do not make us give you a progress report every time. What is this one-player competition you are in? and, if it was better than last time, you will know. What is next, you want us to mark how we feel on a mood chart? But jokes apart, here is why this question sucks- sex is not a race you run with your past self. It is not about getting better. It is about getting more comfortable with each other which MAKES the sex better. Take notes.
5- Do you wanna dress up like my grandmother? (or just about anything)
Experimental sex? Good.
Raunchy fantasies? good.
Catching someone off guard with your darkest desires without knowing what they into- not very good.
The world is getting more and more experimental with sex and it’s a good time to be alive. Like we said, experimental sex is good, but make sure the other one is on board. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a wonder woman, or Catwoman on your bed, but please make sure this information is not a surprise (these are not the kind of surprises a lot of women would like). Everything is better when it is mutual. And by that we mean, you might rent a pirate costume yourself. Do it for the eye-patch. But bottom line- discuss your fantasies before you execute them.
6- What is your count?
What are sex and numbers? Get this straight. No amount of sexual contact with someone is a license to ask questions about a person’s sex life- even if you are a part of it currently.
We do not know why this question is so popular and what people aim to get out of it, but here is what actually happens- you either look really judgmental or really insecure or both at once. And no, adding “I’m not judging” at the end of your question isn’t going to make it any less inappropriate. Be in the moment. How many sexual partners someone has had doesn’t say anything about them or you. Let this question die a death of irrelevance, please.
7- Did you climax?
This question deserves a whole article by itself. If they did, you will know. No one in this world wants to disguise an orgasm, it is not a secret. Plus, what is this pressure? This obnoxious obsession and need for validation by asking every minute for orgasm updates is half the reason we don’t. Relax, most people say it when they do. This question is just outdated and tacky.
Originally published at https://www.fuzia.com.