“I am tired, I am fed up, and I am about to breakdown. But I have a lot of strength inside me, even when I am feeling weak. Hence, I keep fighting.” Read this story of an emotionally challenged girl and get your lost strength to fight from your emotional demons, clearing your path to a beautiful, happy, and healthy life.
Look at me, I am smiling! It looks like I am happy.
Telling jokes, laughing at my heart’s content.
Yes, that’s me, a lively good-natured person.
But, is this Who I really am, or rather, is this How I really am? Happy?
Or probably this is just a façade. Behind it is a whole lot of mess that I fail to show and you fail to notice.
Probably, after a long day of “laughs and smiles”, the darkness finally creeps in, and my head travels back to that dreadful world of misery.
Probably waking up in the morning, facing the whole world, talking, thinking, and even breathing has become difficult.
Do you know how it feels to pretend that there’s nothing wrong?
Do you know how distressing that feeling of nothingness is?
Do you know how scary it feels to be hollow inside?
Then, one day I thought I’ll introduce you to my friends- Anxiety, Fear, and Depression. But, the very next moment I inhaled the air of doubt, will they understand? Talking about it is already hard enough, being judged by my friends will make it harder.
What if I told you and you said things like-
“A loving family, a good job, lots of friends, what could possibly be wrong?”
“This isn’t real, you are stressing too much.”
“Do not be so needy, it happens to everyone.”
“You should not be on about yourself always. We have problems too.”
“Stop overthinking, you are exaggerating tiny things.”
PLEASE STOP!
I shouted on myself, annoyed that I even thought of talking about it.
In the very recent past, this was the story of my life. What do you think I possibly did? Sulked back into my darkness? Well, yes I did that for a brief period of time.
But then one fine day, I found a crack on that dark wall around me, and there was a tiny ray of light coming from there. That was it, I decided to break the entire wall and step into the bright world.
I started to look for little things that made me feel good about myself and about the world.
I started by taking a break.
In that overwhelming moment, when all of it seems too much to handle, taking a deep breath and a good break seemed like the best idea. Stepped aside, and did anything, except the one that was really stressing me out, till the time I started feeling better.
Deep breathing is my ultimate weapon, and trust me it helps.
As soon as anxiety kicks in, shut the eyes and take at least 5 deep breaths. And for every breath, count to three while inhaling, then holding it for a count of three and again count to three while exhaling. Inhale the positivity, exhale the negativity. The magic that followed came as a surprise.
Writing down things I am grateful for.
Whenever I felt hopeless, I used to think about and sometimes even write about something I am grateful for. After all, gratitude leads to better mental health and well-being, and happiness too (the real one). I still maintain my gratitude journal. Finding things to be grateful for brings a kind of satisfaction, and that feeling is out of the world.
Then came doing something for others.
It is absolutely true when they say that a small act of kindness can fill your heart with joy. Helping others had a positive effect on how I felt about myself. Being helpful and being valued for the things I was doing helped build my self-esteem, which was clearly missing. The meaning that I could find in doing things for others helped me expand and enrich my life.
Trying not to take a ride back to the past.
Living in the moment is super important. Letting go of the difficult and negative emotions of the past requires a lot of energy and patience. But all the hard work was worth it. I never forgot my past, it is marked inside my head. However, whenever my mind wanders back to the bad bits, I try to focus on what I am doing at that moment. Focus is the key.
Taking care of physical health helps the mental too.
Working out always helps against stress and anxiety. So does a well routine life. Sleeping and getting up on time, eating healthy and fulfilling meals, yoga, meditation, all of these not only improved my physical health but my mental health too.
Thinking positive, feeling positive.
I read somewhere that the way you think about yourself will have a strong impact on how you feel. This is when I realized how I had prioritized negativity in my life. Kinda like the half-empty-half-full-glass concept. I then started finding the good and the positive side of everything and the feeling of power and self-worth started to kick in.
Finally, the scariest part, opening up to someone.
I’ll be very honest, no matter how hard I tried, it took me a little while to get up and tell people about my mental and emotional condition. The fear of being judged always held me back. But, when I did share it with my people, it felt like the dark clouds were clearing and the sun was shining again. It, however, was not that easy. Some people did judge while some really understood and I am so grateful to them (will go to my gratitude journal).
You know living in a society like ours, it takes all the guts to put such feelings out loud. But, it is okay to talk, it is okay to be not okay.
To those who are in the same boat as I was, I know you are going through hell. Keep going, and right after hell, you’ll find the road to heaven.
I am not saying that now my life is always hearts and flowers. There are still many gloomy nights, but now I am sure that the sun will rise and the darkness will turn into a beautiful morning.
There is life,
There is hope,
And there is a lot of love,
Just keep yourself open to it.
Originally published at https://www.fuzia.com.