Know about Toxic Positivity? Here is how to identify it, why it happens, and why it’s bad!

Feelings are natural. But when one denies and trades them for ‘positive vibes only’, toxic positivity takes its hold.

Let me start this blog with 3 questions:

1. Has it ever happened that you have tried to open up about something that causes you pain, and the other person has shut you up with, “But, look at the brighter side”?

2. Were you ‘inspired’ (read forced) by everyone around you during the lockdown to not be sad about the situation but learn a new skill or language and ‘make use’ of the tragedy that has engulfed the world?

3. Have you ever been told that ‘you’ are responsible for your happiness? Has this message of “stay happy and positive” made you feel as if it was your fault that you were disappointed, even when you had a reason to be sad?

If you answer any one of these questions with a yes, you have been a victim of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity forces one to keep a positive mindset even when they are in a difficult situation. According to an article by verywell mind, “Toxic positivity denies people the authentic support that they need to cope with what they are facing”. Of course, it is important to stay positive and not lose hope; it motivates you to work hard and do better, but toxic positivity does not acknowledge the feelings of people, and that is what makes it a problem. It makes one feel damaged or inadequate when they are distressed or sad.

Toxic positivity is an avoidance mechanism that makes people stay away from situations that might make them feel uncomfortable. It happens when someone does not know how to deal with a difficult situation and offers a forced positivity message instead of offering their ears and saying words of compassion. This does not mean that they mean any harm; they just don’t know how to face the situation.

So, how do we distinguish between optimism, hope, and toxic positivity, especially when there is a thin line between them? Here are a few signs of toxic positivity to help you out:

Feeling guilty for having supposedly negative emotions like anger, disappointment, and sadness.

Not acknowledging your emotions or hiding them from the people who care about you.

Giving unsolicited advice on how to stay happy and positive instead of understanding the problems of others or acknowledging their grief.

Shaming others for not being happy enough.

Being grateful for the things you have forcefully, even when you are sad about the thing you have just lost.

Not facing the problems and escaping them by telling yourself — “it is for the better”.

Trying to be brave enough and not be affected by any problems.

As we know now, there is a dark side to these ‘positive vibes’ — this positivity is unnatural and insincere and is pushed forcibly. According to Dr. Zuckerman as told to Healthline, “toxic positivity, at its core, is an avoidance strategy used to push away and invalidate any internal discomfort. But when you avoid your emotions, you actually cause more harm… Failure to effectively process emotions in a timely manner can lead to a myriad of psychological difficulties, including disrupted sleep, increased substance abuse, risk of an acute stress response, prolonged grief, or even PTSD”.

In addition to these effects on one’s health, toxic positivity is bad because it is offensive. In a way, it is shaming others for expressing their emotions. It tells them that they’re weak and do not have the courage to face adversity. It prevents growth!

So, don’t pretend to be okay when you’re not okay. You are a human and your feelings are genuine. Accept the fact that you can’t choose to be happy and chirpy. It is okay to feel like you cannot get up from your bed; in fact, it is normal.

We are not asking to lose your hope; we are asking you to acknowledge and accept your feelings. They
are real. They are important. They can even help you understand the underlying cause and can project you in the right direction. Now, isn’t this better than just saying, “It happened for the better”?

By the way, here is a blog for you to help you improve your mood when you feel low. Remember, we, at Fuzia, have your back!

Image credits — Google

Originally published at https://www.fuzia.com.