To marry or not to marry is not a question anymore. It is a choice now. And with choice comes free will followed by confusion. The fear of life-long commitment, monogamy, finances, parenthood, and not to forget- the climate factor. (Do we want to raise a lineage if we know the world is in danger?)
Why do we still have to get married? There are many ways to go about this but have you ever thought if you want to marry or (k)not? Would I be comfortable with the idea of cohabiting for a lifetime? What about those cozy mornings where we slept all day long with no responsibilities except our daily jobs? I mean, I will miss a day at work with no guilt but can it be possible when I am married and I choose to be asleep till 2 in the afternoon and not bother whether I have kids and they have to go to school? I would rather not send my children (if I have any in the future) to traditional schools. I don’t believe in limiting education to the four walls of schools in the age when they must be learning from society, the culture and nature. But let’s leave that in abeyance. It’s very subjective. And the question posed here is also subjective. But yeah, we need no thought control. Not want to be another brick in the wall. Also, I am not undermining the potential and value of education. The problem is with the system. The same is with the system of marriage.
System, institution, codes, rules and disciplines, they all mix together to form a complex and vicious structure. Marriage is an institution in very strict terms. It demands that two people (along with their families) remain happily together for the rest of their lives. Loyalty is tested. Efficiency is tested. Virginity is tested. Almost everything is checked. I love to give the analogy of a student here who has to pass the assessment. Duh! You also have to get the trophy of a perfect spouse and in-law. This traditional idea of marriage has changed to a great extent but it still prevails in significant areas.
In the 21st century where domestic violence and dowry are still not rare and obsolete, how do I know that the concept of marriage might have undergone satisfactory changes? In the so-called modern world, can I afford to believe that things might have changed for good? I will choose to be an optimist here and say yes, things have changed. The number of good things might be slightly underwhelming but I can do with that. Marriage is not seen as a privilege. Marriage is not the fanatic idea of financial security or taking the family name forward. Marriage is not for society and the millennials are owning it proudly. Marriage is not for child-rearing and Gen-Z is saying it proudly.
If people were honest, I want to believe that they would want a love that stays forever. But this is different if you talk about monogamy. The response might be different. It has dawned upon me that we are okay with commitment and monogamy but it is very rarely an honest opinion. It can be true for most of us but not necessarily. The fear of being alone can be one reason that we say we want love to be a “forever” thing. But what to do with the “commitment” argument? If I marry, I can’t flirt or flirt back? If I am married, I would have to think zillion times to even fathom of impossible divorce case! Not that a breakup is easy in comparison to a divorce, but you know the social boundaries; you got married in front of hundreds of people and now divorce? What are they going to think/say? Dear humans, let me remind you that marriage is not a contract. Even if it were, deals can be broken. Do it, because the living being inside you wants you to be happy despite the odds.
The overrated concept of possession is baffling to me. True, that we love things more when we call them ours but we have the same authority on calling it out if we don’t want it. You have your authority over your life and the choice that you take might be right or wrong but it should be you deciding the next steps. Offering commitment is not an issue. You committed to a lot of things. You have commitments to your family, your friends, your job, then why not your partner? If I reach the state of mind where I am ready to commit then only, I would look for getting my partner’s commitment. It’s a two-way process. A mutual understanding of basics is necessary.
Let’s look at the thought of monogamy. Some people might believe in the idea of one sexual partner for life, the number cannot reach two. But this idea of monogamy is problematic, at least for me. In our journey of life, there are many ins and outs of beautiful and not so beautiful memories created by a tapestry of different humans. And it is unrealistic for me to think of living my life on the premises of one partner for one life. I am not an infidel person, and I know it. If I commit to my partner, I will be loyal without any second thoughts. But this is different, right? If my entire life is in question, I have fallen in love not just once. Don’t you agree? Love can happen twice. I am proud that I could act on my feelings. I am not setting a rule that one ought to have more than one partner or more than one partner at the same time. I am establishing that a body has its needs, if I were in love and am no more together with my partner I can choose to go out and look for companionship if I want.
Now that I am ready to commit myself to my partner out of love (not a compulsion) the odds are left of parenthood. The modern millennial is aware of modern problems and takes informed decisions. They know the responsibilities and scope of their parenthood and they act accordingly. Parenthood is a choice, again. There is no compulsion.
So, if everything is a choice if we have free will to exercise what should we do? Why should we marry? Remember that marriage is not a status marker or a symbol of a successful. Marriage has wearied itself with the secondary ideas coming to the fore and seeking validation from knowns and unknowns.
Marriage is for the pair. Marriage is for love. Marriage is for happiness. One can find these without too, but if I am happy with it, I would love to marry. If not, then I will stay happily unmarried. Commitment is not what I fear! With the right person, it is beautiful.
Live-in is cohabitation too. There are responsibilities and commitments to make, but we do it for love there. So, marriage should be seen as a live-in relationship situation. This is a different thing that your family expands, but who says no to love and care. There might be a difference but it is with everything and we can deal it with care. Whatever you decide, be happy in it.
It’s easy. Don’t overthink. It complicates. If you feel like doing it, marry the love of your life till death does you apart.