Want to Know About Gaslighting Behaviour? Here’s How You Faced It At Work Or In A Relationship

Gaslighting can start with an extremely simple counteractive comment but can lead to a gaslighting behaviour. So next time instead of shooing it away, question it. Because you will never be able to predict the next move of a person with a gaslighter personality!

WHAT IS GASLIGHTING BEHAVIOUR?

I’m sure you guys know what a lighter does? It creates flame and ignites a variety of materials. And guess what? The same goes for gaslighting behaviour as well. It creates a flame in a person and later ignites them to a level where they start self-questioning themselves and believe that they have lost their minds.

And let me tell you, it’s more than just manipulating. How? Because it’s a form of ‘psychological manipulation’ where a person or a group very conveniently makes the other person question their memory.
Can you believe you rethink your own perceptions and even judgements because the manipulator has prompted you to do so?

And when you accept that accusation, you end up feeling unfit in everyone’s and your own eyes! Now imagine how dangerous it is!

Because it’s ‘you’ who ends up doubting yourself and so no one else can be accused!

WHAT IS A GASLIGHTER PERSONALITY?

A person with a gaslighter personality is a highly manipulative individual who only cares about themselves and no one else. They would go lengths to explain why they are right, even when you may have enough evidence to prove them wrong! That is the level of their persuasiveness they hold. And it’s not certain they would be aggressive to do that. They may thump you with few comments which might sound like this-

“You are wrong.”
“You are trying to confuse me.”
“I think you don’t remember it quite right.”
“Let me remind you what exactly happened.”
“You get offended too quickly.”
“You are extremely delicate; you know that, right?”
“I have no hint about what you are saying.”
“Stop making that up.”
“Calm down! Relax!”
“No wonder you get such crazy ideas.”

And it’s natural when a person hears such things; they automatically may feel that retrospection is required! And so the victim willingly takes a step back and thinks if all of these statements are genuinely true or not?
And when you start doing that, you begin noticing specific changes in yourself which can be as follows-
-you don’t feel the confidence you had before
-you start apologizing whenever something goes wrong
-you start wondering if you’re that sensitive
-you are constantly anxious, and sometimes you no longer feel the person you used to be.

GASLIGHTING BEHAVIOUR AT WORK

Being a prey of gaslighting at work can hamper your overall performance and impact your mental and emotional health. How often do you come across a behaviour where your boss yells at you for not submitting a report even when the due day has not arrived?

Or a co-worker blames you for all the blunders in a client presentation even when you had no involvement in that presentation?

You might lose focus, which can ultimately reflect on your productivity.

In simple terms, when a person removes all the ownership and transfers the baggage to you without you having a clue about it, it indeed creates chaos.

Few effective ways to save yourself from such gaslighting harassment can be as follows-

1. Always try having a colleague with you in the presence of the gaslighter.
2. Minimize any written communication in the form of either emails or texts with the gaslighter.
3. Be alert and assertive enough to stick to what you hear or see.
4. Affirming something positive each time. Keep the negativity at bay as much as you can.

GASLIGHTING BEHAVIOUR YOU MIGHT HAVE FACED IN A RELATIONSHIP

When one is in a relationship, it’s common to get into a natural argument, and there is nothing to freak about if that’s the case. There may be a flirty text message or even more than that, but the person with the gaslighter personality will find a way to blame this thing on their partner. It leads to second guesses, and the suspect indeed gets the better hand.

What happens in such an environment is that it becomes more of a control issue than a love issue altogether.

HOW TO “NOT” BECOME A VICTIM OF GASLIGHTING?

While you may be a little alert and can sense when someone is trying to get pushy with their comments on you, but it’s always advisable to be extra cautious and trust your instincts.

Few things to keep in mind are as follows-

1. Take notice of their understanding pattern and, wherever they try to affect you with those harassing comments, shrug it off by saying, “Right, here we go again”!
2. Don’t let them overpower you or give them an upper hand. The firmer they try to do so, the harder you try to dodge off those comments. Remember, gaslighting works in favour of the gaslighter only when the victim is unaware.
3. Don’t compromise with your self-respect if the gaslighting behaviour is already starting to bring your spirits down.
4. Don’t isolate yourself from the ones you love or trust like friends or family. The gaslighters want you to do precisely that so that they can emphasize more control over you.
5. Practice meditation and chant motivating quotes to yourself; it will keep your mind alert and resistant to any negative vibes.
6. Approach a psychologist or counsellor if the situation slips out from your hand.
7. If you get panic attacks, or grow insanely anxious or even feel you are getting pushed towards depression, get professional help!
8. A therapist can, indeed, suggest practical advice and tips to cope efficiently and better.

Don’t give someone power to destroy you, because believe it or not, gaslighting can do that to even the best! It doesn’t take much time to create an enduring effect, as well!

So please don’t come out meek instead, be bold, because, in the end, it’s only your way of how you take such tricky events. The better you take it and handle it, the worse it gets for the person who tries to gaslight you. Always remember, no one can tell you what you are worthy of except you.
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